Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
PANTIES FOUND
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
