Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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