I just made out with a guy for $7.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
