I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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