I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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