I'm gonna have a badass scar
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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