remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
50% drunk capacity currently
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
