census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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