It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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