i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
