made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Randomize
