i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
