Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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