you guys were way drunker than both of me
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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