I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
