I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
it's great music for shaving your balls
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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