whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I met the friendliest cop last night
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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