I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize
