i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
