You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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