how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
