Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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