i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
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