i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
