The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
