I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize