is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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