If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
