I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
