I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
