Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
