ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
