My pussy is not your playground.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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