can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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