I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
