dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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