Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
