He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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