I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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