just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
only if we run a train.
done.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
