I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
