Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
