i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
