I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
