Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
