Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
