I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize