I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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