I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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