I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
