so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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