I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
