It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
