Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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