She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
