giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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