I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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