and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
