If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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