i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
