I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Randomize
