She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
