Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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