A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
