the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
