Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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