apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
