Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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