just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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