i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
