Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
