i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
