chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I would fuck him just for his dog
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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