I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Randomize
