My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
