i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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