remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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