"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
