my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
