i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
