Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
