i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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