No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
