so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
