My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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