Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
