i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
