Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
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