If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
