I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
