how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
