she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
