We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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