we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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