I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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