I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
