I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
