Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
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