Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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