dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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