Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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