Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
